Finding Ho’oponopono on Valentines Day. Menopause makes us reevaluate so many facets of our lives. My parents’ journeys have given me a new perspective on the value of Ho’oponopono.
Five years ago today became my beautiful inspirational Mum’s final Valentine’s Day. On the actual day we did not know her life would end shortly thereafter. Two Thousand Sixteen became an annus horribilis.
Both my parents passed within a fortnight of one another in what sadly for us became cemented as one of the greatest love stories of all time. Despite the pain and heartbreak experienced throughout their lives on their very last Valentine’s Day my parents found a way to make ho’oponopono with one another despite being separated by 13,711 kilometres.
The Sun Broke My Heart
The sudden realisation of my parents’ ho’oponopono came to me at sunrise this morning. It was one of those picture perfect mornings, much like the morning my mum died. She passed away on the fourth floor of the Cairns Base Hospital looking out across the Coral Sea. She passed at the very moment dawn broke. To be honest, for your final breath, it doesn’t get much more idyllic than that.
Nonetheless, that damn sun that morning broke my heart.
If you read my recent blog on being an Extra called Girls Can Do Anything, the bestie I write about there shouldered my tears as I sat numb on a bench out the front of Cairns Base trying to figure out how to share with my husband and our family that Mum didn’t make it. I am grateful to the universe to this day for placing my bestie less than two minutes away on that day.
Mum’s passing was peaceful, not that it minimises the loss.
A Whoville Chorus to Herald the Return of Loving the Sun
Sunrises have been far and few between the last few years. Despite their beauty sunrises proved a poignant reminder of loss.
Well, not today- sadness was replaced with a Grinch-style heart. Today that Valentine sun filled my heart with joy. I felt the warmth of love, gratitude and joy for my parents. In the flash from dawn to morning today, the sun’s beams drove home the value of ho’oponopono deep into my soul.
I could almost hear the echo of that 1970s Dr Seuss Christmas cartoon movie The Grinch Who Stole Christmas,
“And what happened, then? Well, in Whoville they say- that the Grinch’s small heart grew three sizes that day. And then—the true meaning came through, and the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches, plus two!”
My Mum taught me to read long before I even started school with Dr Suess books, which makes my ‘Aha!’ ho’oponopono moment taking on a Suessical notion feel like an angelic gift from above.
When we discover the true value of ho’oponopono our hearts, just like the Grinch’s, grow three sizes more and we discover infinite strength.
What is Ho’oponopono
Ho’oponopono is the Hawaiian practise of making things right with aloha. Ho’o means ‘cause’. Ponopono means ‘perfection’. The translation becomes ‘correct a mistake’ or ‘make it right’. It is a powerful liberating lesson for how to rediscover to your best self.
How does it work?
To action ho’oponopono with others you must come at it from a pure heart, from a place of aloha. Generally speaking there are four key phrases:
- I am sorry
- Please forgive me
- I love you
- I am grateful
It is not necessary for the person from whom you seek forgiveness or who you wish to forgive to be present. If they have passed or are no longer in your life, practising ho’oponopono can be therapeutic. Forgive yourself. Release anger. Breathe into the present.
How did it work for my parents?
Unfortunately my beloved brother committed suicide the night before his 40th birthday when a custody battle turned incontrovertibly nasty forcing him to choose between his young daughter and his true soulmate. It proved to be a choice he couldn’t make.
Having their son precede them ripped my parent’s world apart. My parents tried to grieve together. As if the tragedy couldn’t take on any more epic proportions, my brother’s soulmate didn’t survive the following Christmas. My parents found themselves unable to navigate the loss together and divorced a few months before their 50thwedding anniversary.
My Dad moved back to his birthplace to be with his remaining sisters and my Mum joined us in Australia. Suddenly the Pacific Ocean in its entirely lay between them.
While having Mum as the sunshine of our world for the last 15 years of her life was the greatest blessing ever for my husband and I and our girls, both she and my Dad carried a heavy burden of pain and loss.
As a teenager I used to empathise with my friends who thought their life ‘totally’ sucked and was ‘totally’ ruined because their parents divorced. Then it happened to me in adulthood. And those old teenage friends rapidly conceded that it ‘totally’ sucks more when you’re a grown adult and find yourself stuck in the middle helping your parents navigate through divorce. Ugh!
After many years of no communication between my parents I received a heart-felt plea five Valentine’s Days ago from my Dad who wanted to speak with Mum. After a long mother-daughter chat, she agreed. I dialled back and put Mum on the phone. They both sobbed and laughed their way through a four hour conversation of ho’oponopono. They chatted weekly from thereonin.
A few months later when they passed, they passed in complete peace. Truth be told, I suspect my Dad passed of a broken heart upon learning of Mum’s passing. I am thankful they were able to make peace with their loss, with their heartbreaks, with one another and with themselves.
How can it work for you?
The realisation of my parents’ ho‘oponopono brought the joy of the sun back to me. If you are carrying sadness, grief or a heavy burden, ho’oponopono can pave a pathway back to joy for you.
Forgiveness and true love can be rekindled in solitude from within.
You don’t have to be with someone to have a Valentine’s Day filled with love and gratitude.
I was recently a guest on the Crawf’s Corner podcast. In our interview Crawf talked about processes of getting his two sons to make things right when they hurt each other’s feelings. What a great Dad! He didn’t call his process ho’oponopono but it is the truest sense of ho’oponopono in action. How lucky are his boys to carry that lesson through life!
Regardless of the wrongs done to you by this world or those wrongs you have spoken or committed in the past, discover the magic of ho’oponopono.
Contrition, forgiveness, love and gratitude are gifts we owe ourselves. Don’t leave it ‘til your final chapter.
Ho’oponpono will give you peace. And once you’re gone it will ease the journey of grief for those you leave behind. Your peace is not only a gift to yourself, it is a gift to all who love you.
Happy Valentine’s Day. May you find your ho’oponopono.
